June. Hard to believe it's June already. I am soooo in need of a vacation - like SO in need. I had wanted to go on a major vacation this year when we got our taxes back...except that we didn't get any taxes back and actually ended up owing...AGAIN. What the hell, man?
Now that we've got that all straightened out, I am bound and fricking determined that there WILL be a g-d'd major vacation next year!!!
In the mean time, I'll settle for 5 1/2 days in Chattanooga, TN with the husband for his Air Force reunion. Woo.
No worries, I'll make the best of it, and with any luck, won't die in my first white water rafting expedition ever. I am petrified already.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Angels watchin' over me, every step I take... Angels watchin' over me!
The past two weeks have been an intensely stressful time for Wheatley and for us. This tail amputation has turned into one, long nightmare. I have beat myself up more than once for the things I could and should have done differently. I am relating what happened last Friday in the hope that someone else will find something in it to learn from as well...
My husband took the dog back to the vet AGAIN on Thursday and she replaced the pain patch (50 mcg Sentinel) and gave him a new prescription of ACE. Truly, in 10 years, I have never seen our dog so freaked out and in pain, as these last two weeks, so my husband and I and the vet were all on the same page in trying to get the dog some relief.
Well, at the vet, they gave him 2 ACE. About 3 hours later, when he was getting really agitated, my husband gave him another 1, and then at around 9:30, I gave him 2 more. The vet had told us that we could give him up to 5 pills 3 times a day - which is an inordinate amount, in my thinking, and really, the 5 that we gave him over 7 hours seemed a bit much, but again, he was SO agitated and in pain, I thought the last 2 would just get him safely and sanely through the night.
Friday morning at around 5:30, my husband wakes me up, concerned because the dog is extremely lethargic. Now, he isn't exactly a morning dog - in fact, he will lay in bed with you all day, if you want to do that. I reassured my husband that he was probably just being stubborn and hey, it was really early. So, he left and we all went back to sleep. I had decided to work from home on Friday because of the continuing situation, and my alarm went off at 7 am. I turned it off, and rolled over and went back to sleep.
You know how sometimes you wake up like a bolt of lightning hits you? Well, all of the sudden, 13 minutes later, I woke up and rolled over to the dog. I couldn't feel him breathing, couldn't find a heartbeat, and when I opened his eyes, they DID NOT MOVE. Of course, I am instantly up and I grab him, and I'm shouting his name and shaking him. All I can think of is, "Oh my God, oh my God, he's dead. He's dead! oh my God." I throw on the clothes that are nearest to me, and the voice in my head is shouting GET HIM UP, GET HIM UP! So, I grab him, stand him up, shake him, and finally, he's responding a little bit. All I can think is get him outside RIGHT THIS MINUTE. So, I grab him and we run outside. I get him to stand up, and he's standing there, next to the car and he's just swaying there.
So, the booming voice in my head says GET THE LEASH and WALK HIM RIGHT NOW. So, I grab the leashes, and we're off down the street. At this point, thank God, there were a lot of people coming and going and a few people walking dogs, so he was getting more alert by the moment. And he was walking fairly steadily. I know I looked like a damn wild woman walking down the street in my tank top and bright yellow pants with my hair flying all over and my mouthpiece still in, but I could not have cared less. The dog was alive, thank God, and at this point, appeared to be going to make it.
We get back inside and I realize that because he's so lethargic, he's not interested in drinking anything. I try ice cubes, which he normally loves. Not having it. I try chicken broth, which he normally loves. No dice. I open the one utensil drawer to get something, and what sticks up and jams the door open? the small turkey baster. Divine intervention? Absolutely. So, I get a big bowl of water and a towel and start syringing water into his mouth. He lets me do this, and I decide that once he's had a few, I'll leave him be, but I will "baste" him once an hour, minimally.
I get online and see that basically, if we've overdosed him on ACE, the only thing to do is to let it run its course and watch for seizures or whathaveyou. It doesn't occur to me that the pain patch would be making him lethargic and everything as well. My goal of the day then became to get him hydrated and his blood flowing fairly frequently, so as to get the ACE out of his system as soon as possible. We took a walk an hour, just to keep him moving, and I syringed water into him after our outings, and he napped inbetween. By the time my husband came home, we decided that the pain patch was probably contributing just as much to the general lethargy, and we opted to take it off. We both agreed that we'd rather have him in a little pain than DEAD! Obviously, he got no ACE on Friday, and about 6 hours after we took the pain patch off, he FINALLY seemed like himself.
I did call the vet office to see if something had changed in the pain medication patch - it was a different patch - but she said that both were 50 mcg Sentinel, and were just from different manufacturers. She said that it was just basically a result of all the ACE and the patch, but really didn't seem overly concerned. Certainly, they were glad he was ok now!
I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for giving him those last 2 ACE on Thursday night, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I had slept longer, he would not be with us today. I hope we never ever have to go through anything like this again, and I will be wary of mixing medications - especially with how sensitive he appears to be! We have been so lucky through these last 10 years that we have never had anything like this. I mean, with his back cyst removal, we had none of this drama. He has always been very healthy, and I guess, with him being an older dog, we're just going to have to be more careful. I am immensely thankful that he is ok!!!
My husband took the dog back to the vet AGAIN on Thursday and she replaced the pain patch (50 mcg Sentinel) and gave him a new prescription of ACE. Truly, in 10 years, I have never seen our dog so freaked out and in pain, as these last two weeks, so my husband and I and the vet were all on the same page in trying to get the dog some relief.
Well, at the vet, they gave him 2 ACE. About 3 hours later, when he was getting really agitated, my husband gave him another 1, and then at around 9:30, I gave him 2 more. The vet had told us that we could give him up to 5 pills 3 times a day - which is an inordinate amount, in my thinking, and really, the 5 that we gave him over 7 hours seemed a bit much, but again, he was SO agitated and in pain, I thought the last 2 would just get him safely and sanely through the night.
Friday morning at around 5:30, my husband wakes me up, concerned because the dog is extremely lethargic. Now, he isn't exactly a morning dog - in fact, he will lay in bed with you all day, if you want to do that. I reassured my husband that he was probably just being stubborn and hey, it was really early. So, he left and we all went back to sleep. I had decided to work from home on Friday because of the continuing situation, and my alarm went off at 7 am. I turned it off, and rolled over and went back to sleep.
You know how sometimes you wake up like a bolt of lightning hits you? Well, all of the sudden, 13 minutes later, I woke up and rolled over to the dog. I couldn't feel him breathing, couldn't find a heartbeat, and when I opened his eyes, they DID NOT MOVE. Of course, I am instantly up and I grab him, and I'm shouting his name and shaking him. All I can think of is, "Oh my God, oh my God, he's dead. He's dead! oh my God." I throw on the clothes that are nearest to me, and the voice in my head is shouting GET HIM UP, GET HIM UP! So, I grab him, stand him up, shake him, and finally, he's responding a little bit. All I can think is get him outside RIGHT THIS MINUTE. So, I grab him and we run outside. I get him to stand up, and he's standing there, next to the car and he's just swaying there.
So, the booming voice in my head says GET THE LEASH and WALK HIM RIGHT NOW. So, I grab the leashes, and we're off down the street. At this point, thank God, there were a lot of people coming and going and a few people walking dogs, so he was getting more alert by the moment. And he was walking fairly steadily. I know I looked like a damn wild woman walking down the street in my tank top and bright yellow pants with my hair flying all over and my mouthpiece still in, but I could not have cared less. The dog was alive, thank God, and at this point, appeared to be going to make it.
We get back inside and I realize that because he's so lethargic, he's not interested in drinking anything. I try ice cubes, which he normally loves. Not having it. I try chicken broth, which he normally loves. No dice. I open the one utensil drawer to get something, and what sticks up and jams the door open? the small turkey baster. Divine intervention? Absolutely. So, I get a big bowl of water and a towel and start syringing water into his mouth. He lets me do this, and I decide that once he's had a few, I'll leave him be, but I will "baste" him once an hour, minimally.
I get online and see that basically, if we've overdosed him on ACE, the only thing to do is to let it run its course and watch for seizures or whathaveyou. It doesn't occur to me that the pain patch would be making him lethargic and everything as well. My goal of the day then became to get him hydrated and his blood flowing fairly frequently, so as to get the ACE out of his system as soon as possible. We took a walk an hour, just to keep him moving, and I syringed water into him after our outings, and he napped inbetween. By the time my husband came home, we decided that the pain patch was probably contributing just as much to the general lethargy, and we opted to take it off. We both agreed that we'd rather have him in a little pain than DEAD! Obviously, he got no ACE on Friday, and about 6 hours after we took the pain patch off, he FINALLY seemed like himself.
I did call the vet office to see if something had changed in the pain medication patch - it was a different patch - but she said that both were 50 mcg Sentinel, and were just from different manufacturers. She said that it was just basically a result of all the ACE and the patch, but really didn't seem overly concerned. Certainly, they were glad he was ok now!
I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for giving him those last 2 ACE on Thursday night, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if I had slept longer, he would not be with us today. I hope we never ever have to go through anything like this again, and I will be wary of mixing medications - especially with how sensitive he appears to be! We have been so lucky through these last 10 years that we have never had anything like this. I mean, with his back cyst removal, we had none of this drama. He has always been very healthy, and I guess, with him being an older dog, we're just going to have to be more careful. I am immensely thankful that he is ok!!!
Monday, May 16, 2011
Back to Life, Back to Reality...
This last week has been the most traumatic, stressful week I can ever remember having. I truly don't know how human babies make it past the first year of life...or more to the point, how their parents do!
Having my dog get attacked and bitten in the face was trauma enough, but electing to have his tail amputated two days later to remove the cyst that's been there for years...well, that was icing on the cake.
He did fine during and right after the surgery, but what the vet didn't take into consideration was that his "new" tail was just the right length to touch the floor when he was laying at rest. Consequently, there was NO rest from Tuesday night through Friday, until after 2 kinds of pills didn't work, we were up in the middle of the night all week, he was frantic and anxious and in obvious pain... and finally the vet applied a pain patch and gave him acepromazine.
I am ordinarily not a fan of ACE. We used it when he was younger because of his insane anxiety during thunderstorms. I did NOT like the effect it had. He was still clearly freaking out, but because of the medication, it was like this muted, drowning panic. It was nooooot good, and if I had been the one to go the vet on Friday, I probably wouldn't have taken it from her... Because it was my husband who went, and because he can't bear to have his baby suffer, he was all for anything that knocked him out for awhile.
So, we drugged him up, and proceeded to do so for the next 3 days. I will say that it has definitely made a difference in EVERYONE's anxiety level. And, he even weathered last night's thunderstorm pretty well - a feat, in and of itself.
Today, he seems almost back to normal, except for the soft cone and the missing 4 inches of tail they cut off. My poor baby!! I hate to see him suffer! The stitches are dissolvable, so they should stop itching him soon. Of course, his hair is going to have to grow back on his tail, his back and his front leg. He looks like Franken-dog with all his missing hair and scabbed up nose. I guess it will all be back to normal in a few months and we'll forget just how much trauma we all went through this week!
Here's to a low key, non-traumatic week...heck, month ahead!!
Having my dog get attacked and bitten in the face was trauma enough, but electing to have his tail amputated two days later to remove the cyst that's been there for years...well, that was icing on the cake.
He did fine during and right after the surgery, but what the vet didn't take into consideration was that his "new" tail was just the right length to touch the floor when he was laying at rest. Consequently, there was NO rest from Tuesday night through Friday, until after 2 kinds of pills didn't work, we were up in the middle of the night all week, he was frantic and anxious and in obvious pain... and finally the vet applied a pain patch and gave him acepromazine.
I am ordinarily not a fan of ACE. We used it when he was younger because of his insane anxiety during thunderstorms. I did NOT like the effect it had. He was still clearly freaking out, but because of the medication, it was like this muted, drowning panic. It was nooooot good, and if I had been the one to go the vet on Friday, I probably wouldn't have taken it from her... Because it was my husband who went, and because he can't bear to have his baby suffer, he was all for anything that knocked him out for awhile.
So, we drugged him up, and proceeded to do so for the next 3 days. I will say that it has definitely made a difference in EVERYONE's anxiety level. And, he even weathered last night's thunderstorm pretty well - a feat, in and of itself.
Today, he seems almost back to normal, except for the soft cone and the missing 4 inches of tail they cut off. My poor baby!! I hate to see him suffer! The stitches are dissolvable, so they should stop itching him soon. Of course, his hair is going to have to grow back on his tail, his back and his front leg. He looks like Franken-dog with all his missing hair and scabbed up nose. I guess it will all be back to normal in a few months and we'll forget just how much trauma we all went through this week!
Here's to a low key, non-traumatic week...heck, month ahead!!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother (in law)
What follows is the letter that I will never be able to write to my brother-in-law. It is uncensored and not intended for familial consumption (mine, specifically).
Dear Brother In Law,
I am so angry with you right now that I can barely see straight. Your brother, your YOUNGER brother, to be more specific, has done, continues to do and always will do every single thing that he can do to be positive, life affirming and loving with you. He wants to share every opportunity for success with you. He wants you to be happy. He would give you the shirt off his back and jump off a cliff for you, if that's what it took.
You have both had a hard road, but your brother has been constantly working on self improvement since before I met him, 15+ years ago. He has struggled with his rage, his ADHD, his self sabotage, his protective mechanisms that keep him from loving fully and being vulnerable. All through this, though, he has focused on what he can do to make his life happier and better. AND, he has attempted to include you, even when you weren't sober, every step of the way.
Now, your brother isn't one to reveal his struggles to you because he wants you to have SOME model of what "normal" looks like, because god knows that's nobody in your family. He wants you to have something to strive for, even though he is full of self loathing at times, though you'd never know it. He talks too much about his workout or his progress on starting a business... he's irritating with his talk about positivity and changing your "state". Believe me, there are times I wish I could change HIS state - and I mean that geographically!
However, when he opened up to you about being sober for 30 days and you acted like that was insignificant because he wasn't drinking a 5th of vodka a day, you made a terrible mistake. Your brother has ALWAYS supported you - even when you went to jail for being a drunk and spending $30,000 that wasn't yours, he had your back. Now, he opens up to you about a challenge that he's been facing, a problem that he's been having, and you act like that's insignificant??? OH, the gloves are off, man.
If you could get your head out of your ass for 2 seconds and see how much your brother needs your love, affirmation and support, it would be a miracle. He's always encouraging you, telling you that you can reach your goals, telling you that you're a good person. Do you think you could do that for him? Do you think for just a minute that you could see beyond your own selfish nose and realize that your brother needs you to tell him that HE is an awesome guy, that HE is amazing, that HE is an incredible, talented, loving person??? THOSE are things he needs to hear. Sure, he sounds cocky sometimes, but that's because the only person in his family who tells him he's wonderful is HIMSELF.
I know you guys didn't get a mother, and certainly got a shitty father, but your brother has taught himself what things are supposed to look and feel like in a family. He's discovered what normal is and that family members are supportive of each other, and he's shown you that time and time and TIME again. Will you ever learn that lesson yourself? He's the younger brother. It would be phenomenal for him to have someone who supported HIM for once. Someone that HE could look up to.
Will that ever happen? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Thanks for the pain,
Your Sister-in-law
Dear Brother In Law,
I am so angry with you right now that I can barely see straight. Your brother, your YOUNGER brother, to be more specific, has done, continues to do and always will do every single thing that he can do to be positive, life affirming and loving with you. He wants to share every opportunity for success with you. He wants you to be happy. He would give you the shirt off his back and jump off a cliff for you, if that's what it took.
You have both had a hard road, but your brother has been constantly working on self improvement since before I met him, 15+ years ago. He has struggled with his rage, his ADHD, his self sabotage, his protective mechanisms that keep him from loving fully and being vulnerable. All through this, though, he has focused on what he can do to make his life happier and better. AND, he has attempted to include you, even when you weren't sober, every step of the way.
Now, your brother isn't one to reveal his struggles to you because he wants you to have SOME model of what "normal" looks like, because god knows that's nobody in your family. He wants you to have something to strive for, even though he is full of self loathing at times, though you'd never know it. He talks too much about his workout or his progress on starting a business... he's irritating with his talk about positivity and changing your "state". Believe me, there are times I wish I could change HIS state - and I mean that geographically!
However, when he opened up to you about being sober for 30 days and you acted like that was insignificant because he wasn't drinking a 5th of vodka a day, you made a terrible mistake. Your brother has ALWAYS supported you - even when you went to jail for being a drunk and spending $30,000 that wasn't yours, he had your back. Now, he opens up to you about a challenge that he's been facing, a problem that he's been having, and you act like that's insignificant??? OH, the gloves are off, man.
If you could get your head out of your ass for 2 seconds and see how much your brother needs your love, affirmation and support, it would be a miracle. He's always encouraging you, telling you that you can reach your goals, telling you that you're a good person. Do you think you could do that for him? Do you think for just a minute that you could see beyond your own selfish nose and realize that your brother needs you to tell him that HE is an awesome guy, that HE is amazing, that HE is an incredible, talented, loving person??? THOSE are things he needs to hear. Sure, he sounds cocky sometimes, but that's because the only person in his family who tells him he's wonderful is HIMSELF.
I know you guys didn't get a mother, and certainly got a shitty father, but your brother has taught himself what things are supposed to look and feel like in a family. He's discovered what normal is and that family members are supportive of each other, and he's shown you that time and time and TIME again. Will you ever learn that lesson yourself? He's the younger brother. It would be phenomenal for him to have someone who supported HIM for once. Someone that HE could look up to.
Will that ever happen? Yeah, I didn't think so.
Thanks for the pain,
Your Sister-in-law
Monday, April 4, 2011
Tiii-i-i-ime is on my side...yes it is...
Well! Here I expected to have an entry every day, and wow, look how the time has flown!
As a follow up to the songs my grandmother used to sing to us, between my sister and myself, we got to her to remember them...more or less. Gram says that the 2nd song was You Are the Sunshine of My Life, but I am very hesitant to believe that. Not that Gram is really a racist, but she is reminiscent of Edith Bunker... and I highly doubt that she would have picked a song by a black man... I'm just saying. You Are My Sunshine seems much more likely.
The 4th song that we couldn't figure out is apparently Welcome to My World, which I don't think I have ever heard. What I *do* remember her singing all the time is You Are My Special Angel... that's one she would really belt out.
I am saddened by the fact that when I asked Gram about our songs, she said that probably I was the only one who had one - and when I replied back that we all had them, she didn't really seem interested.
Dementia sucks.
As a follow up to the songs my grandmother used to sing to us, between my sister and myself, we got to her to remember them...more or less. Gram says that the 2nd song was You Are the Sunshine of My Life, but I am very hesitant to believe that. Not that Gram is really a racist, but she is reminiscent of Edith Bunker... and I highly doubt that she would have picked a song by a black man... I'm just saying. You Are My Sunshine seems much more likely.
The 4th song that we couldn't figure out is apparently Welcome to My World, which I don't think I have ever heard. What I *do* remember her singing all the time is You Are My Special Angel... that's one she would really belt out.
I am saddened by the fact that when I asked Gram about our songs, she said that probably I was the only one who had one - and when I replied back that we all had them, she didn't really seem interested.
Dementia sucks.
Monday, March 28, 2011
You Light Up My Life...
My grandmother has been an ongoing topic of conversation in my family for the last several years. She is progressing through dementia - some days she's good, some days she's not. This past weekend, I was remembering that she used to sing all the time. Notably, she had a song for each of the 5 grandchildren.
The first cousin, You Are My Special Angel, was born before my uncle, his father, died. Happier times. Then, when my aunt was 8 months pregnant with her 2nd son, my uncle was killed. So, my poor cousin was born into tragedy. My grandmother was obviously destroyed by losing her only son, and at only 19 years old at that, and she has never really recovered from that. But, the birth of grandchildren did bring light into her life...and his song was You Are My Sunshine.
I was the next grandchild born, and thankfully (for a variety of reasons), I was a girl. From that time on, I could do no wrong! (Lucky me!) My nickname from my grandparents was Queenie, and my grandmother used to sing You Light Up My Life to me all the time.
When I say sing, I mean SING! My grandmother would BELT out a song. Gram used to say she was quiet and shy and then something happened to her... I'm not sure I believe the quiet and shy part was ever her M.O. Gram was always a few bricks shy of a full load. She would come down the stairs and flip her false teeth in and out and make monster sounds so that we would scream!!
She and I spent many Friday and Saturday nights together through my childhood. I would have her sit on the floor and I would sit in the chair in the living room and we'd play hair dresser. (Gram's hair was always short and permed. She would put her hair up in curlers every single night, even though she had a perm.) I would sit behind her and decide if I were going to be the Good Witch or the Bad Witch and proceed to brush or comb her hair accordingly. Suffice it to say, I'm glad she had a high pain threshold!!! We would play 500 Rummy or Boggle for hours and have pretzel rods and twizzlers.
Whenever she made the bed or did the laundry, my grandmother was always singing something. Her absolute favorite was Elvis. Fools Rush In was probably her #1 favorite song - and my sister and her husband eventually used that as their wedding song 2 years ago.
Back to the topic, though...
When my cousin was born, almost 3 years after me, he was in fact a special angel to Gram, and I would attest that of all the grandkids he is the favorite...but that's an argument for another time. For some strange reason, none of us can remember what his song was, though. I may ask Gram today when I talk to her... she may remember...she may not.
Lastly, my sister was a surprise 6 years later. Gram loved the Wind Beneath My Wings, and that became her song. My sister doesn't have the close relationship with Gram that I do, but she is special to her, nonetheless.
Gram has few words of praise for her two daughters, but the grandchildren! Her Pride and Joy, as she calls us. We are lucky to have her in many, many ways. She would give you the shirt off her back (and in her crazy, threatening way, you would take it, god damn it!). I think we are lucky to have such funny, singing memories of her, as she loses her memories and becomes harder to deal with. I hope that we can remind her of happy times as these months and this disease progress, and maybe she'll still remember to sing...
The first cousin, You Are My Special Angel, was born before my uncle, his father, died. Happier times. Then, when my aunt was 8 months pregnant with her 2nd son, my uncle was killed. So, my poor cousin was born into tragedy. My grandmother was obviously destroyed by losing her only son, and at only 19 years old at that, and she has never really recovered from that. But, the birth of grandchildren did bring light into her life...and his song was You Are My Sunshine.
I was the next grandchild born, and thankfully (for a variety of reasons), I was a girl. From that time on, I could do no wrong! (Lucky me!) My nickname from my grandparents was Queenie, and my grandmother used to sing You Light Up My Life to me all the time.
When I say sing, I mean SING! My grandmother would BELT out a song. Gram used to say she was quiet and shy and then something happened to her... I'm not sure I believe the quiet and shy part was ever her M.O. Gram was always a few bricks shy of a full load. She would come down the stairs and flip her false teeth in and out and make monster sounds so that we would scream!!
She and I spent many Friday and Saturday nights together through my childhood. I would have her sit on the floor and I would sit in the chair in the living room and we'd play hair dresser. (Gram's hair was always short and permed. She would put her hair up in curlers every single night, even though she had a perm.) I would sit behind her and decide if I were going to be the Good Witch or the Bad Witch and proceed to brush or comb her hair accordingly. Suffice it to say, I'm glad she had a high pain threshold!!! We would play 500 Rummy or Boggle for hours and have pretzel rods and twizzlers.
Whenever she made the bed or did the laundry, my grandmother was always singing something. Her absolute favorite was Elvis. Fools Rush In was probably her #1 favorite song - and my sister and her husband eventually used that as their wedding song 2 years ago.
Back to the topic, though...
When my cousin was born, almost 3 years after me, he was in fact a special angel to Gram, and I would attest that of all the grandkids he is the favorite...but that's an argument for another time. For some strange reason, none of us can remember what his song was, though. I may ask Gram today when I talk to her... she may remember...she may not.
Lastly, my sister was a surprise 6 years later. Gram loved the Wind Beneath My Wings, and that became her song. My sister doesn't have the close relationship with Gram that I do, but she is special to her, nonetheless.
Gram has few words of praise for her two daughters, but the grandchildren! Her Pride and Joy, as she calls us. We are lucky to have her in many, many ways. She would give you the shirt off her back (and in her crazy, threatening way, you would take it, god damn it!). I think we are lucky to have such funny, singing memories of her, as she loses her memories and becomes harder to deal with. I hope that we can remind her of happy times as these months and this disease progress, and maybe she'll still remember to sing...
Saturday, March 26, 2011
If I Can't Have You, I Don't Want Nobody, Baby...
Probably the most important, and at this particular time, the most challenging, relationship is the one I have with my husband.
We have known each other 15 years. We've been married for just over 8 of those years. There are times when I think that I couldn't live my life without him. And then there are times when I wonder why on earth we stay together.
If ever a relationship had a soundtrack, this one would be a doozy.
We go together cuz Opposites Attract...
We have spent more than 8 years going to marriage counseling together - we started before we got married because it seemed very prudent to do so. His background is completely different from mine. He grew up poor - country poor - in a southern state, with an alcoholic, abusive father and a mother who left him and his older brother before he was a year old. He was taken care of by his grandmother who molested both him and his brother. So, to say that he needed some help in the significant relationship department would be a fast understatement. Abandonment issues? check. Women issues? check Alcohol issues? check. Add ADHD in its truest form, and anxiety that would make your hair stand on end, and you've got a pretty good idea.
Then there's me. Comparatively speaking, I grew up with the perfect life... until you dig a little bit. While it's true that my parents have certainly had the best interests of me and my sister at heart, they are not without their own set of pre-existing conditions! My mother grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father (sound familiar?). Lots of anxiety and control issues. At this point in her life, she is practically OCD, and that's not an exagerration. My father grew up with an absentee father and a mentally ill mother who died when he was 19. He is also a classic, undiagnosed ADHD sufferer.
Seriously, how subconsciously easily did I set upon marrying an amalgam of both my parents???
I've got abandonment issues - having a sister born when you are 9 and the only child is not without its perils. My dad worked A LOT - he had a full time shift job and a 2nd business and often a 3rd job. He missed a lot of the frequent, all-encompassing screaming matches that my mother and I would have through my double digit years before my self imposed exile to college. I tend to be serious, but I like smart humor. I am sarcastic and will pull no punches if pushed. I'm really smart, and sometimes, that doesn't work out so well for me. I never had a boyfriend in high school or college. I never knew anybody that actually "liked me, liked me" until I started to go to the clubs when I got out of college. And then, I didn't like them back. I guess I qualify as a late bloomer...
In our relationship, I like to be quiet and focused. He's the party guy. I'm the detail person. He sees the big picture. Introvert/extrovert. (ISFJ & ENFP, I mean REALLY?) And yet, here we are.
You and Me against the World. Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world...
I think there are specific reasons that people seek out their opposite characteristics in significant others. Balance, challenge, growth, understanding...
When I got to know my future husband better, I realized that he had never known what it was like to have someone love him unconditionally. He has a good heart and good intentions, but it was buried deep beneath his fears of rejection. I realized over the years that my mission in this lifetime is to help him feel that he will always be loved and that I will never leave him.
Conversely, while I have serious abandonment issues myself, I struggle with his anxiety and need to flee bad situations. I try to keep in mind that his flight isn't personal to me... and sometimes I'm successful. I have a horrible affliction of thinking that I'm always right, and that stands in the way of understanding a fair bit of the time.
The one thing we do have in common is that we are both dedicated to improving ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically... we both go to hypnosis (the best thing I have ever done ever in my whole life and worthy of many posts to come), and between that, marriage counseling and learning Imago, we certainly give our relationship a lot of tools to work with.
I had a romantic wish, and it actually came true in a card my husband gave me last year... one of my favorite romantic songs is Orleans' Still the One... We're still having fun, and you're still the one. I love that song and everything that it says. I always wanted someone to think of that song, and think of me. It doesn't promise perfect, but it speaks to the lightness (oh, the challenge to the serious person!) that's possible in a relationship and the willingness to stay together...come what may. Which leads to Moulin Rouge's Come What May - I will love you...until my dying day. Two songs as dissimilar as possible, and yet speaking to the same truth. Love can be forever. Love can last. Nobody said it would be easy (or that you wouldn't die of consumption in the process), but it's possible to forge a successful and happy relationship for the long term.
We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear
You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow
You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one that makes me strong
Still the one I want to take along
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
Changing, our love is going gold
Even though we grow old, it grows new
You're still the one that I love to touch
Still the one and I can't get enough
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one who can scratch my itch
Still the one and I wouldn't switch
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You are still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one...
We have known each other 15 years. We've been married for just over 8 of those years. There are times when I think that I couldn't live my life without him. And then there are times when I wonder why on earth we stay together.
If ever a relationship had a soundtrack, this one would be a doozy.
We go together cuz Opposites Attract...
We have spent more than 8 years going to marriage counseling together - we started before we got married because it seemed very prudent to do so. His background is completely different from mine. He grew up poor - country poor - in a southern state, with an alcoholic, abusive father and a mother who left him and his older brother before he was a year old. He was taken care of by his grandmother who molested both him and his brother. So, to say that he needed some help in the significant relationship department would be a fast understatement. Abandonment issues? check. Women issues? check Alcohol issues? check. Add ADHD in its truest form, and anxiety that would make your hair stand on end, and you've got a pretty good idea.
Then there's me. Comparatively speaking, I grew up with the perfect life... until you dig a little bit. While it's true that my parents have certainly had the best interests of me and my sister at heart, they are not without their own set of pre-existing conditions! My mother grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father (sound familiar?). Lots of anxiety and control issues. At this point in her life, she is practically OCD, and that's not an exagerration. My father grew up with an absentee father and a mentally ill mother who died when he was 19. He is also a classic, undiagnosed ADHD sufferer.
Seriously, how subconsciously easily did I set upon marrying an amalgam of both my parents???
I've got abandonment issues - having a sister born when you are 9 and the only child is not without its perils. My dad worked A LOT - he had a full time shift job and a 2nd business and often a 3rd job. He missed a lot of the frequent, all-encompassing screaming matches that my mother and I would have through my double digit years before my self imposed exile to college. I tend to be serious, but I like smart humor. I am sarcastic and will pull no punches if pushed. I'm really smart, and sometimes, that doesn't work out so well for me. I never had a boyfriend in high school or college. I never knew anybody that actually "liked me, liked me" until I started to go to the clubs when I got out of college. And then, I didn't like them back. I guess I qualify as a late bloomer...
In our relationship, I like to be quiet and focused. He's the party guy. I'm the detail person. He sees the big picture. Introvert/extrovert. (ISFJ & ENFP, I mean REALLY?) And yet, here we are.
You and Me against the World. Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world...
I think there are specific reasons that people seek out their opposite characteristics in significant others. Balance, challenge, growth, understanding...
When I got to know my future husband better, I realized that he had never known what it was like to have someone love him unconditionally. He has a good heart and good intentions, but it was buried deep beneath his fears of rejection. I realized over the years that my mission in this lifetime is to help him feel that he will always be loved and that I will never leave him.
Conversely, while I have serious abandonment issues myself, I struggle with his anxiety and need to flee bad situations. I try to keep in mind that his flight isn't personal to me... and sometimes I'm successful. I have a horrible affliction of thinking that I'm always right, and that stands in the way of understanding a fair bit of the time.
The one thing we do have in common is that we are both dedicated to improving ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically... we both go to hypnosis (the best thing I have ever done ever in my whole life and worthy of many posts to come), and between that, marriage counseling and learning Imago, we certainly give our relationship a lot of tools to work with.
I had a romantic wish, and it actually came true in a card my husband gave me last year... one of my favorite romantic songs is Orleans' Still the One... We're still having fun, and you're still the one. I love that song and everything that it says. I always wanted someone to think of that song, and think of me. It doesn't promise perfect, but it speaks to the lightness (oh, the challenge to the serious person!) that's possible in a relationship and the willingness to stay together...come what may. Which leads to Moulin Rouge's Come What May - I will love you...until my dying day. Two songs as dissimilar as possible, and yet speaking to the same truth. Love can be forever. Love can last. Nobody said it would be easy (or that you wouldn't die of consumption in the process), but it's possible to forge a successful and happy relationship for the long term.
We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear
You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow
You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one that makes me strong
Still the one I want to take along
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
Changing, our love is going gold
Even though we grow old, it grows new
You're still the one that I love to touch
Still the one and I can't get enough
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one who can scratch my itch
Still the one and I wouldn't switch
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You are still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one...
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