My grandmother has been an ongoing topic of conversation in my family for the last several years. She is progressing through dementia - some days she's good, some days she's not. This past weekend, I was remembering that she used to sing all the time. Notably, she had a song for each of the 5 grandchildren.
The first cousin, You Are My Special Angel, was born before my uncle, his father, died. Happier times. Then, when my aunt was 8 months pregnant with her 2nd son, my uncle was killed. So, my poor cousin was born into tragedy. My grandmother was obviously destroyed by losing her only son, and at only 19 years old at that, and she has never really recovered from that. But, the birth of grandchildren did bring light into her life...and his song was You Are My Sunshine.
I was the next grandchild born, and thankfully (for a variety of reasons), I was a girl. From that time on, I could do no wrong! (Lucky me!) My nickname from my grandparents was Queenie, and my grandmother used to sing You Light Up My Life to me all the time.
When I say sing, I mean SING! My grandmother would BELT out a song. Gram used to say she was quiet and shy and then something happened to her... I'm not sure I believe the quiet and shy part was ever her M.O. Gram was always a few bricks shy of a full load. She would come down the stairs and flip her false teeth in and out and make monster sounds so that we would scream!!
She and I spent many Friday and Saturday nights together through my childhood. I would have her sit on the floor and I would sit in the chair in the living room and we'd play hair dresser. (Gram's hair was always short and permed. She would put her hair up in curlers every single night, even though she had a perm.) I would sit behind her and decide if I were going to be the Good Witch or the Bad Witch and proceed to brush or comb her hair accordingly. Suffice it to say, I'm glad she had a high pain threshold!!! We would play 500 Rummy or Boggle for hours and have pretzel rods and twizzlers.
Whenever she made the bed or did the laundry, my grandmother was always singing something. Her absolute favorite was Elvis. Fools Rush In was probably her #1 favorite song - and my sister and her husband eventually used that as their wedding song 2 years ago.
Back to the topic, though...
When my cousin was born, almost 3 years after me, he was in fact a special angel to Gram, and I would attest that of all the grandkids he is the favorite...but that's an argument for another time. For some strange reason, none of us can remember what his song was, though. I may ask Gram today when I talk to her... she may remember...she may not.
Lastly, my sister was a surprise 6 years later. Gram loved the Wind Beneath My Wings, and that became her song. My sister doesn't have the close relationship with Gram that I do, but she is special to her, nonetheless.
Gram has few words of praise for her two daughters, but the grandchildren! Her Pride and Joy, as she calls us. We are lucky to have her in many, many ways. She would give you the shirt off her back (and in her crazy, threatening way, you would take it, god damn it!). I think we are lucky to have such funny, singing memories of her, as she loses her memories and becomes harder to deal with. I hope that we can remind her of happy times as these months and this disease progress, and maybe she'll still remember to sing...
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
If I Can't Have You, I Don't Want Nobody, Baby...
Probably the most important, and at this particular time, the most challenging, relationship is the one I have with my husband.
We have known each other 15 years. We've been married for just over 8 of those years. There are times when I think that I couldn't live my life without him. And then there are times when I wonder why on earth we stay together.
If ever a relationship had a soundtrack, this one would be a doozy.
We go together cuz Opposites Attract...
We have spent more than 8 years going to marriage counseling together - we started before we got married because it seemed very prudent to do so. His background is completely different from mine. He grew up poor - country poor - in a southern state, with an alcoholic, abusive father and a mother who left him and his older brother before he was a year old. He was taken care of by his grandmother who molested both him and his brother. So, to say that he needed some help in the significant relationship department would be a fast understatement. Abandonment issues? check. Women issues? check Alcohol issues? check. Add ADHD in its truest form, and anxiety that would make your hair stand on end, and you've got a pretty good idea.
Then there's me. Comparatively speaking, I grew up with the perfect life... until you dig a little bit. While it's true that my parents have certainly had the best interests of me and my sister at heart, they are not without their own set of pre-existing conditions! My mother grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father (sound familiar?). Lots of anxiety and control issues. At this point in her life, she is practically OCD, and that's not an exagerration. My father grew up with an absentee father and a mentally ill mother who died when he was 19. He is also a classic, undiagnosed ADHD sufferer.
Seriously, how subconsciously easily did I set upon marrying an amalgam of both my parents???
I've got abandonment issues - having a sister born when you are 9 and the only child is not without its perils. My dad worked A LOT - he had a full time shift job and a 2nd business and often a 3rd job. He missed a lot of the frequent, all-encompassing screaming matches that my mother and I would have through my double digit years before my self imposed exile to college. I tend to be serious, but I like smart humor. I am sarcastic and will pull no punches if pushed. I'm really smart, and sometimes, that doesn't work out so well for me. I never had a boyfriend in high school or college. I never knew anybody that actually "liked me, liked me" until I started to go to the clubs when I got out of college. And then, I didn't like them back. I guess I qualify as a late bloomer...
In our relationship, I like to be quiet and focused. He's the party guy. I'm the detail person. He sees the big picture. Introvert/extrovert. (ISFJ & ENFP, I mean REALLY?) And yet, here we are.
You and Me against the World. Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world...
I think there are specific reasons that people seek out their opposite characteristics in significant others. Balance, challenge, growth, understanding...
When I got to know my future husband better, I realized that he had never known what it was like to have someone love him unconditionally. He has a good heart and good intentions, but it was buried deep beneath his fears of rejection. I realized over the years that my mission in this lifetime is to help him feel that he will always be loved and that I will never leave him.
Conversely, while I have serious abandonment issues myself, I struggle with his anxiety and need to flee bad situations. I try to keep in mind that his flight isn't personal to me... and sometimes I'm successful. I have a horrible affliction of thinking that I'm always right, and that stands in the way of understanding a fair bit of the time.
The one thing we do have in common is that we are both dedicated to improving ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically... we both go to hypnosis (the best thing I have ever done ever in my whole life and worthy of many posts to come), and between that, marriage counseling and learning Imago, we certainly give our relationship a lot of tools to work with.
I had a romantic wish, and it actually came true in a card my husband gave me last year... one of my favorite romantic songs is Orleans' Still the One... We're still having fun, and you're still the one. I love that song and everything that it says. I always wanted someone to think of that song, and think of me. It doesn't promise perfect, but it speaks to the lightness (oh, the challenge to the serious person!) that's possible in a relationship and the willingness to stay together...come what may. Which leads to Moulin Rouge's Come What May - I will love you...until my dying day. Two songs as dissimilar as possible, and yet speaking to the same truth. Love can be forever. Love can last. Nobody said it would be easy (or that you wouldn't die of consumption in the process), but it's possible to forge a successful and happy relationship for the long term.
We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear
You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow
You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one that makes me strong
Still the one I want to take along
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
Changing, our love is going gold
Even though we grow old, it grows new
You're still the one that I love to touch
Still the one and I can't get enough
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one who can scratch my itch
Still the one and I wouldn't switch
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You are still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one...
We have known each other 15 years. We've been married for just over 8 of those years. There are times when I think that I couldn't live my life without him. And then there are times when I wonder why on earth we stay together.
If ever a relationship had a soundtrack, this one would be a doozy.
We go together cuz Opposites Attract...
We have spent more than 8 years going to marriage counseling together - we started before we got married because it seemed very prudent to do so. His background is completely different from mine. He grew up poor - country poor - in a southern state, with an alcoholic, abusive father and a mother who left him and his older brother before he was a year old. He was taken care of by his grandmother who molested both him and his brother. So, to say that he needed some help in the significant relationship department would be a fast understatement. Abandonment issues? check. Women issues? check Alcohol issues? check. Add ADHD in its truest form, and anxiety that would make your hair stand on end, and you've got a pretty good idea.
Then there's me. Comparatively speaking, I grew up with the perfect life... until you dig a little bit. While it's true that my parents have certainly had the best interests of me and my sister at heart, they are not without their own set of pre-existing conditions! My mother grew up with an abusive, alcoholic father (sound familiar?). Lots of anxiety and control issues. At this point in her life, she is practically OCD, and that's not an exagerration. My father grew up with an absentee father and a mentally ill mother who died when he was 19. He is also a classic, undiagnosed ADHD sufferer.
Seriously, how subconsciously easily did I set upon marrying an amalgam of both my parents???
I've got abandonment issues - having a sister born when you are 9 and the only child is not without its perils. My dad worked A LOT - he had a full time shift job and a 2nd business and often a 3rd job. He missed a lot of the frequent, all-encompassing screaming matches that my mother and I would have through my double digit years before my self imposed exile to college. I tend to be serious, but I like smart humor. I am sarcastic and will pull no punches if pushed. I'm really smart, and sometimes, that doesn't work out so well for me. I never had a boyfriend in high school or college. I never knew anybody that actually "liked me, liked me" until I started to go to the clubs when I got out of college. And then, I didn't like them back. I guess I qualify as a late bloomer...
In our relationship, I like to be quiet and focused. He's the party guy. I'm the detail person. He sees the big picture. Introvert/extrovert. (ISFJ & ENFP, I mean REALLY?) And yet, here we are.
You and Me against the World. Sometimes it feels like you and me against the world...
I think there are specific reasons that people seek out their opposite characteristics in significant others. Balance, challenge, growth, understanding...
When I got to know my future husband better, I realized that he had never known what it was like to have someone love him unconditionally. He has a good heart and good intentions, but it was buried deep beneath his fears of rejection. I realized over the years that my mission in this lifetime is to help him feel that he will always be loved and that I will never leave him.
Conversely, while I have serious abandonment issues myself, I struggle with his anxiety and need to flee bad situations. I try to keep in mind that his flight isn't personal to me... and sometimes I'm successful. I have a horrible affliction of thinking that I'm always right, and that stands in the way of understanding a fair bit of the time.
The one thing we do have in common is that we are both dedicated to improving ourselves mentally, emotionally, physically... we both go to hypnosis (the best thing I have ever done ever in my whole life and worthy of many posts to come), and between that, marriage counseling and learning Imago, we certainly give our relationship a lot of tools to work with.
I had a romantic wish, and it actually came true in a card my husband gave me last year... one of my favorite romantic songs is Orleans' Still the One... We're still having fun, and you're still the one. I love that song and everything that it says. I always wanted someone to think of that song, and think of me. It doesn't promise perfect, but it speaks to the lightness (oh, the challenge to the serious person!) that's possible in a relationship and the willingness to stay together...come what may. Which leads to Moulin Rouge's Come What May - I will love you...until my dying day. Two songs as dissimilar as possible, and yet speaking to the same truth. Love can be forever. Love can last. Nobody said it would be easy (or that you wouldn't die of consumption in the process), but it's possible to forge a successful and happy relationship for the long term.
We've been together since way back when
Sometimes I never want to see you again
But I want you to know, after all these years
You're still the one I want whisperin' in my ear
You're still the one I want to talk to in bed
Still the one that turns my head
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
I looked at your face every day
But I never saw it 'til I went away
When winter came, I just wanted to go
Deep in the desert, I longed for the snow
You're still the one that makes me laugh
Still the one that's my better half
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one that makes me strong
Still the one I want to take along
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
Changing, our love is going gold
Even though we grow old, it grows new
You're still the one that I love to touch
Still the one and I can't get enough
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You're still the one who can scratch my itch
Still the one and I wouldn't switch
We're still having fun, and you're still the one
You are still the one that makes me shout
Still the one that I dream about
We're still having fun, and you're still the one...
Friday, March 25, 2011
The Music is Me
I never thought I would actually take the time to sit down, set up and write a blog... however, things being what they are... it's probably in my best interest to get my real thoughts, feelings and all the other crap out somewhere.
I don't know if anyone will recognize that the title of this blog is actually a John Denver song - a great John Denver song, as most of his songs tend to be... and this particular song is the introduction to the best album he ever produced - An Evening with John Denver.
Music makes pictures and often tells stories.
All of it magic, and all of it true.
And all of the pictures, and all of the stories,
All of the magic, the music is you...
The songs on this album mean so much - and my family played it all the time. There is such strong feeling associated with each and every song. The short ones, like the Music is You and the Eagle & the Hawk - even more powerful. The love songs have evolved in meaning for me over the years. John's connection with nature and how we're responsible for preserving and appreciating it mean so much, and while those sentiments haven't made me an activist, they have inspired me through the years.
This album reminds me of an idyllic time before anyone I knew had cancer, and while people were divorced, I was young enough not to know heartbreak. These songs remind me of dancing and jumping around in the living room to Thank God I'm a Country Boy and Grandma's Featherbed. Blissful happiness in those moments of my childhood where everyone sang along.
I grew up in the end of the folk era. I went to the Folk Mass with my parents and we had 2 guitarists (and sometimes a banjoist) and a piano player. The music was singable and wonderful and has stuck with me 25 years later, and I highly doubt it's going anywhere. While some people railed (and still rail about it?!) against the entry of folk type music into church, for me, it was awesome. I heard harmony, I loved to go to church and SING! Come on, church was a good time! Clapping to the music. Loving every minute of it. Shoot, we even had puppet shows during church. And a veritable petting zoo, with rabbits and birds and such. To think back on it, it's pretty crazy. I can't imagine doing that now. Church was where things were going on. Church was also where my friends were.
I lived in a neighborhood with mostly old people. There were not any kids in my neighborhood to play with, and until I was 9, I was an only child. Church was where my parents had their friends, so, Church was where the kids were, too. The parents got together and formed a formal group and we used to go to nursing homes and sing songs - old time songs like By the Light of the Silvery Moon, Bicycle Built for Two and many others, and then some like All My Life's a Circle, and My Grandfather's Clock and songs that I'll remember pieces of now and then. And then, aside from that, we would all just get together and SING! Irish songs and folk songs galore! What a musical time it was. Everybody was always singing! What a blessing to grow up with that.
When I think about my life today, I can't imagine it without Church and all that singing. And yet, now, because my beliefs have changed so drastically, it makes me wish for the time when I didn't question...and I just had the good music and the good friends. But, I do have the memories, and I'll always have the songs.
I don't know if anyone will recognize that the title of this blog is actually a John Denver song - a great John Denver song, as most of his songs tend to be... and this particular song is the introduction to the best album he ever produced - An Evening with John Denver.
Music makes pictures and often tells stories.
All of it magic, and all of it true.
And all of the pictures, and all of the stories,
All of the magic, the music is you...
The songs on this album mean so much - and my family played it all the time. There is such strong feeling associated with each and every song. The short ones, like the Music is You and the Eagle & the Hawk - even more powerful. The love songs have evolved in meaning for me over the years. John's connection with nature and how we're responsible for preserving and appreciating it mean so much, and while those sentiments haven't made me an activist, they have inspired me through the years.
This album reminds me of an idyllic time before anyone I knew had cancer, and while people were divorced, I was young enough not to know heartbreak. These songs remind me of dancing and jumping around in the living room to Thank God I'm a Country Boy and Grandma's Featherbed. Blissful happiness in those moments of my childhood where everyone sang along.
I grew up in the end of the folk era. I went to the Folk Mass with my parents and we had 2 guitarists (and sometimes a banjoist) and a piano player. The music was singable and wonderful and has stuck with me 25 years later, and I highly doubt it's going anywhere. While some people railed (and still rail about it?!) against the entry of folk type music into church, for me, it was awesome. I heard harmony, I loved to go to church and SING! Come on, church was a good time! Clapping to the music. Loving every minute of it. Shoot, we even had puppet shows during church. And a veritable petting zoo, with rabbits and birds and such. To think back on it, it's pretty crazy. I can't imagine doing that now. Church was where things were going on. Church was also where my friends were.
I lived in a neighborhood with mostly old people. There were not any kids in my neighborhood to play with, and until I was 9, I was an only child. Church was where my parents had their friends, so, Church was where the kids were, too. The parents got together and formed a formal group and we used to go to nursing homes and sing songs - old time songs like By the Light of the Silvery Moon, Bicycle Built for Two and many others, and then some like All My Life's a Circle, and My Grandfather's Clock and songs that I'll remember pieces of now and then. And then, aside from that, we would all just get together and SING! Irish songs and folk songs galore! What a musical time it was. Everybody was always singing! What a blessing to grow up with that.
When I think about my life today, I can't imagine it without Church and all that singing. And yet, now, because my beliefs have changed so drastically, it makes me wish for the time when I didn't question...and I just had the good music and the good friends. But, I do have the memories, and I'll always have the songs.
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